This makes me sad
Read, I’ll wait:
Guilt, it’s not just for breakfast anymore
And it’s already been interpreted by a lot of the commentors as an anti-breastfeeding festival, so even though I tried to respond, I feel pretty ineffective. A lot of the commentors have felt judged over the whole breastfeeding issue, and that’s a shame. This just sucks. Breastfeeding is something really close to my heart, and it makes me sad that it seems like the breastfeeding movement’s major impact is to bring strife among women.
Helen said:
on February 16, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Hey, found you a few days ago through a link at Jo’s. That comment thread did bum me out. I support women in making their own decisions, but it still makes me uneasy when people make those decisions without doing any research. Interpreting scripted dialogue from a character on a fictional drama as medical advice does not count ;) I’m pregnant with my first, and I’m really looking forward to nursing. I was really surprised about the “lack of intimacy” statement, for one. I’ve watched friends nurse, and the baby will stare up at the mom’s face. And then that little milk stupor when they finish - that’s pretty sweet. Anyway, I’ve been point-blank asked by virtual strangers whether I plan on breastfeeding only to be told it’s gross and formula is much easier. So the harassment does go both ways, and it’s so funny that people think it’s only “boob nazis” and evil lactation consultants who constantly search out women to yell at them. There’s more in my head, but I will spare your comment box the rambling. I just agree that it makes me sad too.
Moe said:
on February 16, 2006 at 12:57 pm
This IS sad - like so many movements initiated by women with the intent to support and empower, it ultimately ends up being divisive and hateful, towards both sides.
Presently, I am not planning to have children (biologically, at least) and I also don’t plan to ever have to care for a child under 4 or so. These are just my current feelings towards my OWN reproduction and parenting plans, but I will say this - my reluctance to have children has been strongly influenced (negatively) by the current combative climate among parents these days. The push to to everything “right” and the willingness of others to condemn you for you choices is really f-ing terrifying. And I generally don’t care what other’s think of me, but even as a non-parent of “breeding age” I get so much hypothetical pressure to align with one of these camps is is overwhelming.
I was breast-fed as a child and I was so sick as a child that I am sometimes surprised I made it to adulthood. My growth was even stunted as a result of being so sick. I have NO idea what that says about breast-feeding though. Maybe breast-feeding was the only reason I didn’t die? Maybe it had no effect? Who knows? And frankly, I don’t care. I am here now. Personally, I’m glad my mom breast fed me and I think I probably AM better off for it. Incidentally, when I did go off the boob, I had to drink soy milk because I ended up with a cow-milk allergy.
The only thing I will say with absolutely certainty is that we should ALL focus more on supporting and UNDERSTANDING each other’s choices, rather than trying to get other people to do things “our way”. Be it breast-feeding, home-schooling, cross-dressing, voting-republican, or any other manner of baffling or well-intentioned choices. There is no ONE right answer for everyone on this planet. And ultimately, we all get dealt some good cards and bad cards in life. The point is how we play those cards.
Personally, I think it would be great if we were all breast-fed, didn’t eat meat or animal products, didn’t smoke, didn’t harm the environment and held the door open for people when entering buildings. But that doesn’t mean I am going to crusade for all these causes and condemn people who don’t make these choices. I will do them myself and try to be the best role model that I can for these things. If I inspire someone to make one of these choices as well, then that is great. But it’s none of my business if they don’t.
amelie said:
on February 16, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Breastfeeding is great. It took me awhile to adjust, but I could have given up. I found a good formula that make’s my kid’s cheeks shockingly chubby and she’s got the extra glow from the all natural mommy nunus. I’ll breastfeed until I can’t take anymore. I love it, until it becomes too irritating (and that does happen.) I am still trying to decide if we’d do the pregnancy thing again (which I loved except for all the GD injections for GD) or if we will adopt a toddler who needs a good mom and dad. If that’s the route we opt for, no breastfeeding for that little tyke of course.
In any case, I think breastfeeding is best, I think I’m well supported on that. I think formula fed babies are generally healthy and grow well simply because babies will grow well on just about anything that is easy enough to digest and has calories and vitamins. And yes, it’s a godsend to the women who cannot feed a baby with their bodies. Nor is it poison, which is the other thing people seem to want you to believe.
I think the comments by rabidly anti-breastfeeding people are completely off the wall and it’s a good thing that most of them will never parent a child, because they are ignorant fools. That said, there are plenty of breastfeeders who shouldn’t have had children either. So, I guess, breastfeeding is not the line I draw in the sand.
I don’t understand the freak outs over breastfeeding in public. I have never been chastised for doing it, and I will do it anywhere I feel comfortable enough. I’m good at it now so I can do it with a light blanket covering, or even with no blanket if the situation calls for it. No one has said a thing, so that’s smart of them if they felt other than okay about it. I’d probably have a freak out myself on their ass.
It took a lot for me to breastfeed. I don’t think very many people realize how hard it can be for some of us. I think most people assume your milk comes in like gangbusters and you can feed an arm with your teats. And for me, that was not the case. Not even close. So it was work. And I had a lot of pressure, which was unpleasant to say the least.
I will never pressure another woman to breastfeed, but if they ask, I will definitely tell my story so that they know they have options if they find they are not the milk cows they dreamed about during pregnancy.
If I can do it, anyone can, no excuses. But then again, who am I to judge?
Just the mom of a happy contented little bubbly beanie who gets formula and rice cereal on top of her nus.